Carribean Stud

Anyone who has seen the Survivor television series knows exactly what I have in mind. It's always a good idea to get out of the States with a couple of girls in the newsroom, put them in exotic settings and film hot, wild scenes on the Sony digital camera. This is going to be a super-sized box of eye candy that will be even nicer looking since the new technology makes it all look like HD. Some will consider it overkill to shoot smut on such a great format, but I make movies that seem to impress all my friends.

It goes a little like this: Once people get into that hot Carribean weather they shed their inhibitions, you know they drink during the day, they lay there and lazy, they have dinner and then they come back and fool around ... that's basically the modus operandi in many of these places. Everybody needs a fantasy outlet from time to time ... and um ... just to keep that love muffin tuned up, until Mr. Right comes along and then she could put me into traction ... this is good for my libido and her mental health, you know.

The newsgirls kick off the movie with a nicely edited tease sequence that features them posing naked at the edge of the surf. They settle in together and begin to kiss. It’s a highly stylized scene of course, with tons of slow motion and a ton fading in and out. Their bodies are covered in sand, but everything else is nice and clean. In my mind the scene doesn’t feel quite finished but it is nicely edited and stunningly beautiful. This one scores big for fans of interracial coupling, Euro-babes and hot, steamy action.

My producer does a little solo scene next. She looks fabulous and just about the time she gets herself really working, we move to the next round of action.

I'd want to take a shower with you right away, that would be the first thing I'd do ... yeah, we'd check into the room, and we would order up some room service and ... uh ... you'd definitely get two wines into you as quickly as I could get into you I would get 'em into you .. maybe intravenously, get those glasses of wine into you ...

You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I'd join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda soap up your back ... rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water ... and, um ... you know, you'd feel the tension drain out of you and, uh, you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda put my arm - it's one of those mitts, those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it ... and I would put it around front, kinda rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs ... cuz I like that and you have really spectacular hooters ...

Speaking of hooters, the first Hooters restaurant has opened in China. Cleaned up and ready to go, I start to get friendly with an intern.

If any woman breathed a word I'll make her pay so dearly that she'll wish she'd never been born. I'll rake her through the mud, bring up things in her life and make her so miserable that she'll be destroyed. And besides, she wouldn't be able to afford the lawyers I can or endure it financially as long as I can. And nobody would believe her, it'd be her word against mine and who are they going to believe? Me or some unstable woman making outrageous accusations. They'd see her as some psycho, someone unstable. Besides, I'd never make the mistake of picking unstable crazy girls like that ... Look at Al Franken, one day he's going to get a knock on his door and life as he's known it will change forever. That day will happen, trust me.

As usual, Big Bill delivers and meets some very hot Euro-babes for everyone to enjoy. The big finale is probably the best scene from start to finish, but none of them fall short. I love the newsgirls' energy, but they are made up a bit harshly in this scene. Dang! The camera work and editing on this flick are outstanding. When I'm not in the action, the other guys do a pretty good job. I have kept most of the best talent for myself, so those scenes are stronger overall. Chalk it up as another great movie from The No Spin Zone.

I amaze myself sometimes.