Sunday, October 17, 2004

The Ribald Tales of Bill O'Reilly


Before we get to the issue at hand, I am struck by this thought. First, the box cover for this DVD porno is really eye-catching. It reminds me of those trading cards we used to get in Kellogg's cereal boxes that moved when you tilted them. Walking by this movie in a video store, people won't be able to avoid the stunning third scene and money shot. After my initial reaction to the box, my next thought was that I hoped that this movie was better than the mainstream flick of the same title because that thing sucked major ass. Beyond those issues that really have nothing to do with the movie, there are plenty of reasons to look forward to this flick. Any time I see an asian girl on screen, she brings something beautiful and hot to the table. I like unrestricted sexual performances, but she better be eye candy to the n'th degree. There are a ton of other girls in the newsroom who can turn heads as well, and not all of them are asians.

So, I have this idea for a porno movie, a classy one with really nice looking babes with brains.

The movie opens in a recovery room from cornea replacement surgery. At a time when all should be right with your pretty star, she begins to see things. Wandering the halls later at night she comes across a storage closet where two of the staff members are burning the midnight oil over an important interview. With the story on hold it is time to watch the naughty blonde choke on some guy in the closet. Workplace sex is always good and she is just the kind of chick you want to work overtime with. The guy gets her going real good. The babe leaves on her thigh-high stockings on as she works the dude into major league oblivion. Once the guy reaches that "happy place," he gives her something to remember all night long.

This is where I, pardon the pun, come in. Her doctor is worried about the visions she is having or the flashes of light. He sends her home with her man, which is me, and I tell him not to worry about a frivilous lawsuit. She likes being able to see, but we clearly have a lot of catching up to do. It has been quite a while since she has been able to see my manhood and this chick spends some time getting reacquainted with it. Enough with the fluff girls already -- she is so drop-dead gorgeous that it looks fantastic from the mirror. And, boy oh boy, buddy boy, she looks dynamite with a loofah on her back. We hook up for some very eye-pleasing doggy before the office pages me about tomorrow's show.

The second disc is packed with bonus features. There is a good behind the scenes feature on me and several other video extras that shows off the chicks in the office. We get a music video, box cover shoot footage, interviews and other nice additions. There are also two bonus scenes from some of the best interviews we've done. Add these to the porno flick and you have a very nice bonus disc to go along with the package.

Sexually speaking, this is a very solid endeavor. The chicks are beautiful and give good energy in their scenes. More of them would have been nice, but it's hard to fault any of the efforts made.

That's it for now - lawyers are calling with a status in the legal case. Tootles.


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