Sunday, October 17, 2004

The Preznut is a Girl

snookered, lied to and ripped off
From Bill Maher: New Rules
New Rule: Everyone has to stop pretending that George Bush is macho. Because plainly, he acts like a girl!

Not a woman. A girl! Not a week goes by when John Kerry isn't attacked because he said something that hurt somebody's feelings. According to Bush spokespeople, Kerry lost the first debate because of his new insult to our allies when he said, "The coalition wasn't genuine. You know, Poland had Lithuania over that night for a debate party, and now they can't look at each other without crying."

All of the attacks on John Kerry involve his thoughtless words. Like when he said the Iraqi prime minister wasn't legitimate. The bitch! He hurt the troops when he said Iraq was the wrong war at the wrong time! MEN! He hurt the Vietnam vets when he called that war a mistake. He is so not sitting with us at lunch anymore!

He's a girl! George Bush is all - "And another thing about John Kerry: he uses Botox! He spends too much time on his hair and he's two-faced. Flip-flopper!" "And I bet John Kerry didn't even deserve any of those medals. I would have gone to stupid old Vietnam, but I wanted to be a stay-at-home soldier!"

Excuse me, this president is resolute. He's on the rag. He stopped having press conferences, which is basically saying, "I'm not talking to you!" He acted all crampy at the debate: "It's hard work!" I kept waiting for him to say, "If you don't like how I do your shirts, then iron them yourself!" He even ran for president like a girl, promising to "restore dignity to the Oval Office." What man gives a rat's ass about restoring an office? A real man thinks the Oval Office lost all its integrity the day Monica Lewinsky stopped coming in there to blow the president.

And then - let me finish - and then in the one area - and I'm talking about Iraq here - the one area where he could use being a little in touch with his feminine side, he acts like the typical stupid male who gets himself lost when he's driving, won't admit it and won't stop and ask for directions. Always insisting, "Please, I know what I'm doing!"

You know, the only time - the only time guys like this learn their lesson is when their wives leave them. So, on November 2nd, I suggest we get a divorce.

Somebody lock up Gloria Allred. She has a thing for supporting scorned women on the talk show circuit. We don't need her trolling Dubya along the glorious halls of The Abrams Report or Regis and Kelly.

Drop her a Mickey and send her to Club Fed - until the election is over. America, we can't take the chance of seeing Gloria Allred defending the preznut. It will be Amber Frey all over again.


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