Sunday, October 03, 2004

WWCWD - What Would Christopher Walken Do?

Weapon of Choice

Our Preznut's sturdy and resolute leadership is paying huge dividends to the forces of good versus evildoers. So if the enemy is good, then the democrats must be evil and who better symbolizes the imagery and spoken word for evil than Christopher Walken? The self-described "malevolent WASP" must be the new democratic archetype and Big John must be able to retort in equally bold strokes. It's the only way that the Rethugs will back down from their campaign of attacks and relentless demogoguery - it is a sad state of affairs, but these are desperate times for America and the choice must be clear for the voters. Below are a few recommended phrases from Christopher Walken's extensive film career which should serve the Democratic Challenger well in the next 30 days.

Next post debate spin: "You tell the angels in heaven you've never seen evil so singularly personified than in the face of the man who killed you."

Next time Dubya says flipflop: "I'm the anti-christ, and you got me in a vendetta kinda mood."

When a reporter asks about Dubya's potential for defeat in the general election: "My feelings must be dead I feel no remorse."

When Dubya mentions his economic achievements: "You guys got fat while everybody starved in the street. From here on nothing goes down unless I'm involved .. no blackjack, no dope deals, no nothing. A nickelbag gets sold in the park ... I want in."

Big John's impression of the Preznut: "You are looking at the cleverest, meanest, sickest talking monkey ... I love him. I'll not step aside ... I will not allow any talking monkey to take my place. I'll burn down heaven to stop it."

When Dubya asks for extra time and gets the deer in the headlights look: "Guys, if I don't bleed to death pretty soon, I'm gonna die of boredom."

The next time Dubya mentions 'hard work': "Buckwheats, Jimmy."

Rebuttal to the Libural charge: "I'm an angel. I kill newborns while their mamas watch. I turn cities into salt. And occasionally, when I feel like it, I tear little girls apart. And from now till kingdom come ... the only thing you can count on ... in your existence ... is never understanding why."

About his long senatorial relationship with Senator John McCain: "Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you."

Regarding the Administration's tax policies: "Study your math, kids. Key to the Universe."

Reflecting on Dubya's accomplishments: "A man... can be an artist... in anything. In food, whatever... it depends on how good he is... at it. His art is death... he's about to paint his masterpiece. I don't have anything else to say."

Comeback for the Preznut's middle east agenda: "The gun again. Can't you guys just play nice?"

Comparison between Laura and Teresa: "Women. Nothing surprises me Chimp, except your late mother. Who'da thought she had a brain to damage. Bottom line, she tries to blackmail me, I'll drop her out a higher window. Meantime, I got better fish to fry."

Big John's impression of the campaign: " Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this moment, I am that second mouse."

On the field conditions in Iraq: "Tell me, Dubya, if a piss drunk sergeant has a loaded .45 pointed at the head of a piece of dung that the piss drunk sergeant hates and despises, how would you describe the situation?"

Impressions of the first Bush Administration: "I know nothing of this birthrite thing you are seeking, but, uh, let's go up north and have some chowda."

Comments on how Dubya has used the military: "No, son. You've got a problem because you don't know Army terminology. The place where a U.S. soldier goes to defecate, relieve himself, open his bowel, shit, fart, dump, crap, and unload, is called the latrine. The la-trine, from the French."

When Dubya uses "mixed messages" in a debate point: "I suppose now we have a conversation where you enlighten me. How many more of you are out there? Enlighten me. Where are the rest of your compadres? Enlighten me!"

Closing statement at the last debate: "You know ... the greatest thing about a conversation like this ... you never have to have it again."


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home