Sucker Eskew Finds the "Internets"

The GOP has finally found a way to bridge the gap between the preznut and the internets in the last days of the campaign. Sucker Eskew, not to be confused with Sucker Carlson over at CNN, now has a blog on which all God-fearing Amurikans should voice their opinions. Just remember, Carlson is the one with bowtie who likes to argue with comedians and Eskew is the one who looks like the preacher's son caught with a key in the hotel room door.

When you think of Sucker Eskew - think, Message Pimp.

Eskew operates the Eskew Strategy Group and calls himself a business man with a specialty of strategic communication and grass roots mobilization. Given some of the commentary from his blog, no wonder why the campaign is losing momentum leading into November. You see, Eskew is a senior GOP advisor who sells his services based on message discipline (making sure the preznut says nothing stupid), editorial exactitude (trading lies and smears on the challenger for access to the preznut as long as the questions can be reviewed by the GOP), alliance building (making sure that all of the key lobbies pay up to the campaign or they get no tax breaks), rapid response (message triage in the event that the preznut goes off script and says something really, really stupid - like the "internets" comment), strategic planning (making sure that preznut only speaks in front of pre-screened right-wingers who sign a loyalty oath and John O'Neill gets his cash), and marketing consultation (finding ways to arouse the fundies through campaign ads that scare the shit out of the God-fearing public).

Up until the debates, everything was moving according to plan. But now, the wheels are falling off the wagon and this new blog reinforces a sense that politics isn't just a game for the scumbags and attorneys and corporate thieves. Every now and then the campaign can take its people on a white-knuckle romp like one of those Six Flags roller coasters that will scare the passengers into temporary insanity.

Sucker Eskew's mission statement: While it’s true that all politics is local, it’s also true that some grassroots activity is really “astroturf.” If your corporation, trade association, or coalition wants to hear how we deliver the difference, call or write today.

We’ve got an unparalleled team of grassroots experts. Eskew Strategy Group’s exclusive relationship with the leading network of public affairs consultants in all 50 states – the National Field Resource Network – puts the nation’s premier grassroots and public affairs campaign managers to work on your issue. Translating your messages into success at the grassroots requires planning, education and mobilization. Let us show you how we’ve done it before and how we can do it for you.

Apparently, the astroturf reference means that the grass roots is fake grass roots. Judging by the people hitting his new blog, people are clearly buying into the astroturf message but it's getting real hollow (with these real comments by actual voters - really scary stuff):

I pray for GW Bush to win, but not for the same reasons. I feel that he has singlehandedly created such a mess in Iraq and with the budget deficit that it is only fair that he, not Kerry, be in office when the chickens come home to roost. It's maddenning that you people beleive this man is keeping you safer. He's making the world far more unsafe than I would have imagined possible.

How come we never see pictures of President Bush on horseback?

Off Topic. I am seeing disturbing news regarding voter intimidation and violence. Maybe the President should take a leadership position and ask any Republican supporters to refrain from these types of actions. At the same time, challenge the Senator to do the same for the sake of the country. This is one sad consequence of the hateful message that is coming from some people. I really fear for the future of this country. How can we remain united when there is all this hate?

HERE IS AN IDEA: I think if there is a way for HBO to replay their 9/11 Movie that they produced and aired starting in November of 2001 that would be a nice reminder to the US people of where we were just a short time ago. GWB's steady-handed determination, poise, leadership, and even at times a little emotional during one of our nation's worst moments are gripping and could do far more in convincing the undecideds then all of the propoganda ads and movies could every accomplish. Is there any influence that anyone has over HBO for a special re-airing of this moving film before the election?

Does GWB now get the support of PETA? If JK will murder a poor goose just to "get" votes, where will he ever stop? WHERE IS PETA

Can someone tell me what today's rational for not getting Bin Laden in Tora Bora? It was reported way back that we had him cornered. Now I hear we are saying we didn't have him, never had him. Which sounds like a lie. How do I "save appearences" on this...how do we spin this?

Tucker you look great man. Last time I saw you, you were on TV down in Palm Beach. Have you figured out where you're going to work after the election? I suggest corporate work. You're getting older. You should start saving for retirement. I'm sure the tabacco companies could use your talents.

Message discipline and alliance building for sure!